The New 15

And the new bartending staff is here! And fuck me! They are all gorgeous men! Hot dark muscely goodness! Bartenders and servers usually never really hang out together! They do their thing and we do ours.  After meeting this one, things have changed a little! The server and bartenders combine. And did we ever combined! This new model is the winner. He isn't just a 15 minute boyfriend. We seem to really like each other. Will he be the one to tame me? We will see! 

Romantic Dinner For Two

The resteraunt that I work at is getting a new kitchen so it was closed today! I did a little bit of bitch work. Helped get the Hotel Ciel together. Made an atempt to put together a dresser. And went and layed out at teh beach. Since the Bay Bar is closed I wasn't able to get dinner. So a friend and I went to the grocier called The Pantry and bought some velveta cheese, pickles, and wine for dinner. We don't have a stoke so what we did was put water in a big metal pot and used the steam from the expresso machine to boil the noodles! While wait for the noodles to cook we start drinking our wines. My manager Jeff comes in and asked what are you doing. We explain to him and he says why don't you just use the stoke in the Bay Bar Kitchen... We look at each other. "Oh.. Ya.." Haha we both felt so dumb! But we home made our noodles with no stoves! Haha. 

First 15 minute Boyfriend

When I was shopping with Jamie, Lacey, and Richie bear before leaving for F.I., There was this hot tall dark glass of hottness. And of course I looked him up. and DOWN. Right after I realized, "Girls do you notice that we are all always cruising guys?" Umm... Kellen. You are the only that is always looking for the next hottest ass... So This is my first hot second Boyfriend of the summer! 

In It To Win It

Like classic Kellen, right when arriving on the island I meet my roomates and get them ready to head over to  Cherry Grove. Cherry grove is about a twenty minute walk from the pines. We get there and have some dirty margarita's. Of course our bartender was new and either high out of his mind, or down syndrome... Took him 20 minutes to make three margarita's. One roommate is from Ohio and he's great! He is the one sleeping on the bottom of me.  Here's a few pics from the first meeting! 

To Set The Record Straight!

Most of you have heard my “Britney Drama” on slcdirt.com , but let me tell you my side of the story. FIRST I love Regina, Janice, and most of the bloggers. I told Regina my story and she made a funny post about it. Helping me get a ticket. Then another Blogger, not to say names but rhymes with DWITE blew it out of context and over dramatized it.

  I met this amazing guy named Tye from Canada. We hit it off really well.. On faceboook. Never met in person but flirted on online. He poked me a few times. He was really cute. We cammed a few times. With and without being clothed. He was very adimit about buying me a ticket to come see him in Canada. I told him I would help with the ticket. But no. He wanted to fly me out there and pay for my Britney ticket and take me! Told me it would be the best week ever! So I arranged it with work. Made sure I had it off. Moved Clients around. Everything. Then about three weeks before the trip he tells me that he “quit” his job at the bank and now only has one income and not sure if he will be able to buy me a ticket, BUT I am going to do everything I can so you can come. I offered to pay for my ticket and he aid no. He wanted it to be his treat… So I trusted him. Then a few days before I was going to be flyig out, same thing. Told me to expect the worse, but he is still trying everything he can. So never really gave me a straight answer. Unfortunitly my lap top got a nasty virus… (oops) Took them a week and a half to fix it. So we didn’t get to cam and talk as much. I made a few harmless facebook blogs about the things going on. He then tells me that my true colors shine when he wasn’t looking and that this is what happens when I lose touch with him. He invited someone else to the Britney concert. He deleted me as a friend on FB. Lets talk about that for a second! I eex! But have you met my ex… EXACTLY.

So there was this other cock that invited me to the Concert in SLC. So I said ya I will go with you! We kept in touch. I kept flirting a little to keep him interested. Then 1 day before the concert he tells me that he gave his ticket to his friends “girlfriend!” I was sooo fucking pissed! I mean I did things that I didn’t want to do so I could go. I pack my car and head back down to Utah in hopes of getting a ticket. That is where slcdirt.com comes in. Regina posted this funny girls desperate post. Ment lightly, but needed a ticket. After texting the damn radio station ALL DAY, still without a ticket. So I look online and by my luck they had some! So go to book 2 for my friend and I and RIGHT when I click on the pay button, BAM! All sold out! Screw me in the ear. So me and Brian venture down the JAM to get a few beers, then went to the box office to see what they had! NOTHING! She was sold out! As for those other boys on slcdirt.com saying I need to buy my own ticket and stop mooching off of others, first I say fuck you! You know damn straight that if a guy wanted to spoil you and buy you things you would take it in a heart beat. Second, I tried.

 

Fire Islans And The 16 Hour Travel Begins

After 3 months of waiting I got the good news that my life is not over.I can turn my life around and stop offering a blow job as currency. I am going to be working at the gayest island in America! Yes even gayer than the Disneys’. None other than Fire Island The Pines. I will be here till September! After the good news it has given me inspiration to do what you want to do! “I Can Grab Bulls Balls”

After down sizing my things and making all my luggage fit into two checked baggage and two carry-ons I am ready for the aiport. I was at Jamie and Laceys house finishing up my last minute packing and while zipping my over filled baggage, not just one but BOTH zippers break. Not sure what to do. Thinking I could just duct tape it… Safty pin it.. Put luggage wraps around it! Nope. Nothing worked. I had to go to LOTS and buy a luggage last minute before leaving Utah!

Lacey girl takes me to the airport, and after a short emotional goodbye and mother advice from Lacey such as: Drink water, take your vitimins, eat your veggies, AND wear a condom! I told her that I am never CON-DUMB. I get my travel flight slip things and I am off to the gates. I look and see 19C in big bold letters. So I walk to gate C and can’t see any 19! It only goes to 13. Freaking out thinking there is some underground gate that I am not aware of. I take it to the service desk and kindly and blondely ask, “Excuse me, I seem to be lost. My gate says that I leave from 19C and there is only 13C. I am not sure where to go.” The lady looked at me with the same smile that every other person I talk to has in their eyes, and says “Honey… That is your seat number. You are at gate D07.” Oh… thanks. I then go skipping down the hall to my gate!

 

My first flight from SLC to LAX was a breeze. Then I got lost in the huge meat marketed LAX! There were soo many hot men that I could’t even think about where my gate was, I could only think about sex. Thinking the hot piolite takes me to his cock pit. Then the flight from LAX to Philie was not the best. It was a huge ass plane and where do I get stuck sitting! Next to the fucking Lavratory and exit door. Either was I was helping someone shut the damn door! The woman I sat next to, bless her little heart, was a woman from Virgina. And her breath smelled of the cheapest vodka money can buy! I actually think I got drunk when she gleecked on my arm… Before leaving when I was saying goodby  to my mom, she says “Kellen I love you and I am not sure when the next time I am going to see you is! Who knows if I will see you ever again! “ Didn’t really think anything of it untill we started hitting the nastiest turbulance! Then it hit my tiny blond spot. OMG! I am going to die! This is what my mom ment! This is my time to go. I then start to freak out. Sweating... I am breathing hard. Squeezing my new passed out friend’s arm. Thinking I am too young to die! I have so much I need to do! I will become a better person I promise! I will be nicer, not drink as much, not cuss as much, stop taking as many pills! After thinking this thought. Oh ya… Pills. I pop a norco and a soma and I was relaxed as can be! The rest of the flight was a fantastic! Although this woman was prancing around the plane in slippers and the first half of the flight kept going to the bathroom and the second half she spent looking for one of her slippers. She seemed to have lost it. 

The beggining of a long week!

First off, this blog is not for the faint of hearts. I WILL NOT edit myself... MOTHER!!! This tragic week started a couple weeks ago. When I got wind that Darrick Barry, the Britney Spears impersonator, was going to be in Salt Lake city, Utah. I was already packing my bags and getting my little ass down south to see her. I get my girls and we were off to Babylon! Legs (Lacey) and Tits (Jamie). Finally after several Raspberry vodka and cranberries Miss Spears takes the stage! Her body was tighter than shit! Amazing show! She actually remembered her words! Then she likes to take  moment and talk to us. Thanks everyone for coming out and blah blah. And she/he starts to sing live. I mean I know you were on America's Got Talent, but stick with looking hot and lip syncing. Like the real Brit. 

 After getting her autograph and shooting the shit with her I decided to go back to a friends house and call it a night. I popped an Ambien and finished a bottle of wine. Not even two seconds after doing this COCKtail. Ken calls me and says we are coming home and going to a rave. You in. "OF COURSE!" We then decide that we want to turn this rave into and 80's theme! We get our little short shorts, tanks, and bandanna's on and we are ready to party! The party was in this huge empty warehouse. I thought we were there only 10 minutes. The next morning I woke up on a couch in my underwear next to another warm underwear clad  body. I was then informed that we were there for two hours! The pictures will speak for themselves... I am still trying to piece together that night! 

In between passing out in Ken's arms on the dance floor, I decided that this very STRAIGHT rave needed to have Britney playing. I go to the DJ and ask if he could play "If U Seek Amy." He said he didn't have any Britney. I was disappointed. 2 minutes later I got this great idea. "They really need to have Brit playing." I go to the DJ, yet again, "Hey can you play Circus." NO I DO NOT HAVE BRITNEY.." Evidently I asked him 4 times! Thinking I was asking him for the first time... Every time.  TRAGIC